why is it that happiness, and love, some of the best feelings dont last long? its like we are ment to try and fail, but sadness and heartbreak never really go away but are not often clouded by these great feelings, sadness isnt soething that comes and goes, it is always there no matter what you do, some things make it more obvious, like losing a family member, emotionally or physically, having your heart broken, and even doing bad at school can make you relise the sadness that consumes us all, but when we can catch hold of these great feelings like love and joy we should enhance them coz they dont last very long, i find that although we are consumed by sadness and are trapped by our own feelings we should not regret any actions we take, just relise them as the mistakes we have made, if we regret them we will only begin more-so to relise the sadness deep inside ourselfs but relising them as mistakes tells us that we know it was wrong and we dont want it to happen again, without say that was stupid, im less of a person for doing it, anyone who regretted something before reading this, let it go please, for your own sake, it will only bury you into a cloud of stupidity, i beleive everyone deserves a second chance and everyone deserves someone to listen to them, sadness is not a curse or a rare feeling but sadness is a blessing, think of it this way, if we were never sad, then we could never truely be happy, i dedicate this to my close friend renae who i love as if i knew her forever, i know she is going through some hard times, chin up renae, im here...

you may think by the smile on my face and the laughter in my eye's that i am ok but im not, i feel like i am a non-existant unimportant nobody

i am so confused right now, i like four different chics all at the same time. Renae, she is a smart, caring person, she is a vampire but beautiful, she has a lovely smile and i will never forget the times her and i have shared. Paige, she is fairly hot but still with a good personality, she is nice once you get to know her and she isn't a full stuck up hoe, she is fun to be around and i'm sure I'll get to know her better and enjoy it. Angie, nobody is going to like what i have to say in this part but i don't care, Angie is more beautiful on the inside than on the outside, although a lot of people see her as a total slut whore she isn't like that alone, she is a very sympathetic person who will listen when you need to talk, she has beautiful eye's and she is so cute when she is sitting down and being tickled, she will always consider her friends and doesnt like to leave someone out, i know she has hurt me way to much for anyone to care what good qualities she posses but i would like you all to understand i loved her once and there are still feelings there but no where near as strong, we have alot of memories and i am sure many are imprinted in my mind forever. Kate, i dont exactly no why i like kate but there is something that draws me to her, she is a hottie though and is a caring person.

the first time i went out with angie it only took her six days to go out with ben after dumping me, it has been a week since she dumped me for the second time and i just found out her and ben are back together, they got back yesterday, f*ck*ng kill me.

21st july 2007: i asked angie out and we were back together, i was happy again. i finnally had my love back but it was weird and nobody liked it, everyone didnt approve of the relationship and said i was stupid for taking her back,

we had our troubles including our first fight but we both admitted our wrongs and moved forward from it all our next argument was over something my mum had said, we didnt sort that one out, inevitably this resulted in our break up, there were alot of reasons but i have more to type and im gettin tired of it, i spent a fair bit of money on lindt chocolates and a sterling silver bracelet for her birthday on monday 17th september 2007, our troubles ended in a break up on wednesday 19th september 2007, two days after that would have meant we were together for 2 months and it would almost be a year if we never broke up, it feels like its been so much longer since we broke up cause im kind of over it alot more than i should be and ive moved on, the problem is its not exactly moving on because i love renae again but she doesnt want me, i am such a train wreck i dont blame anyone for not wanting me, as family, as a friend, as a relationship, well thats it for now i just wanna say, renae no matter what you feel i love you xx